Sticks and Stones....

Consider yourself warned.... its been a heck of a week... If I used 4 letter words I would say insert the H word in there.... So this is me venting.  So if you dont want to read it then stop now...

WHAT A WEEEEEK.

Among my friends I am known as their own little real life "Martha Stewart".... I strive to have the perfect clean house that always has the smell of something baking, always have something amazing for the monthly bake sales for the boat, the well mannered child, the cute put together outfits despite being 33 weeks pregnant, and to have a nice dinner for my husband when he comes home from work. This week- I think I had to admit to myself I wasn't Martha and Super Mom or Super Wife.
I knew I was sick almost 2 weeks ago.... I thought maybe I had a cold... or the change of seasons... its 6 days away from being FALLLLLL and I welcome you FALL!! But- I pressed on... no war between my white blood cells and the cold virus can keep Martha or Super Mom down right!? Right. So- due to Harper being on an antibiotic 3 weeks ago her digestive track was alll messed up. She had NEVER had to be on one before so her little system didn't know how to get back on track. I took her to the Dr and she just gave us the name of this herb (a pro biotic) to help her. Its been 48 hours and I see a huge difference. She did look like she was concerned about this cough I had.... It sounded like I had emphysema! It was unlike anything I have ever had before... but- keep on pressing on. I had to make bake sale goodies yesterday ya know!?
So today... I had a check-up with the Dr to make sure the little peanut (cashew he calls her because shes so long) and he confirmed the worst... I had PNEUMONIA!!! Can you freakin believe it!? Luckily I am on the tail end of it and I dont have to be admitted to the hospital... I got to go home. And little Cashew is perrrfect. She is probably sick of me coughing and shaking up her little swimming pool but she forgives me.
Anyway. So, pneumonia and all... I come home (thank you Lindsey for watching Harper today!!!) and I start dinner!! Chicken GYROS!!! mmmmmm.... Dinner was good, dessert was even better.... Then it was time to put Harper to bed and things took a turn for the worst. The ice cap to a super crappy 2 weeks. Harper was messing around while I was trying to put on her diaper and Josh was yapping in the background so I said "you do it." So I left the room... I hate him undermining me!! Anyway. I hear him say "I guess mom doesn't care about you." EXCUSE ME!? I felt my heart hit the floor... I had 2 choices... 1.) I could turn around and punch him in the face or 2.) I could keep walking, let the tears fall and try to push on through the night. I chose to keep walking. I didn't want to yell in front of Harper... and I didn't want her to see me cry.
After he put her in bed I went in to tell her good night... I assured her she was my entire world and I cared about her more than anything in the whole world. She knows. I just had to remind her. I come downstairs to face Joshua... and I am shaking Im so upset. I said "don't EVER tell her I dont care about her again." He says he didnt mean it.... I remind him who tells her EVERY NIGHT hes gone how much he loves her and misses her? I know LOTS of fellow wives who dont make a single effort to tell their kids WHY their dad is gone... but I never want her to think that "he doesnt care". He says "I was frustrated." Excuse me!? Did you not think I was frustrated for the last year while your off on the boat? When I go 4 months out of 6 without even an email from you? Did I EVER tell her you dont care!? And did he miss the part where I HAVE FREAKIN PNEUMONIA but I'm elbow deep in dish water and cleaning the kitchen!? Not one time in the last week did I complain that I didnt feel well?? Did I ask for ANYTHING!?
I try to keep telling myself that "sticks and stones will break your bones but words will never hurt you" but those words... hurt more than anything else ever has. I know she doesnt think that... and yeah he prob didnt mean it... but it still hurts. I just wish he would take a step back for one minute and realize how hard I work to keep him happy and to show him I appreciate that I get to stay home and raise our girls... but it wouldn't hurt for him to say thanks once in a while.
I think tonight was just the straw that broke my back... I always just try to push my personal problems to the back of my head to help everyone else settle theirs that they just boil up.
I had to blog because I have no one to vent to hahahhaaa. My mother has dinner guests... Lindsey is grocery shopping.... Courtney is prob putting Addy and Blakely in the bath and getting them ready for bed... and Ally is prob having dinner with her new hubby. ha ha ha. So sorry blog... you get the beating tonight.
Tomorrow is Family Day.  Were going to "Clydes Cider Mill" here in CT. Were going to have fresh pressed cider, warm cider donuts... and just enjoy the crisp Fall air together. I dont need to be Martha, Super Mom or Super Wife to enjoy days like tomorrow. And it kinda feels good to be OK with not having to be PERFECT. I may embrace just being "the best Martha, mom and wife" I can be.