Do I Dare to Dream....

I have heard before that you are never given a dream without the power to achieve it. Lately Im starting to wonder how true this can be. Back in 2006, Josh joined the Navy. We hadnt spoken in about a year when he called me from South Carolina to just catch up. He told me he joined the Navy, and that his dream was to someday be a captain of a submarine. In the back of my head I was thinking I would prob never see him again so I wished him luck and went about life. Another year goes by, then we get engaged and married. Now were one. His dreams are my dreams. I told him I would support him through all his career endevours. And I think I have been nothing short of a poster Navy Wife.

Fast forward. In May were about to hit our 6 year mark in the Navy and we have some big decisions to make. Were in the process of dropping an Officer Package. The first step to heading towards the dream of being the Captain. I thought this is what Josh wanted.... then- the other day, he dropped a bomb. A bomb I never thought in my life I would have to prepare for. He doesnt know if he wants to go through with the Officer Package.  He wants to discuss staying in the Navy, as an Enlisted Sailor for 20 years. Not to sound selfish- but this is not what I had planned. Why did he work so hard to get a degree? Why do we have student loans if he didnt want to pursue the dream of being a Captain? I gave up MY dreams to support his, and now hes not even going to try for his!? Pump the brakes.

In the next 18 months he will be gone about 15 of them. Yes, were on a "Sea Command" and in 2 years we can go back to a "Shore Command"... but is this what he wants the rest of our lives to be? My dream has always been to be a stay at home mom, and volunteer at my kids' schools, and maybe the local hospital and hold babies all day. Preferably in Augusta GA where the weather is warm, and every house has a wrap around porch with rocking chairs. To have a scrapbook room to preserve memories of my family, to have my girl friends over for some sweet tea, to have a room with a piano and violins and a cello where we can play music as a family. A home of my own where Im allowed to paint the walls, and get a dog if I want. So I have to ask myself... is it so wrong if I ask him if we just get out at the end of our contract (May of 2013) and live MY dream?

I guess I see his point... if we stay in for 20 years, we can "Retire" when were 43, have medical insurance for the rest of our lives, Harper can have the GI Bill, and we can say that he served his country proud for 20 years. Then we can move, and he can have a "normal job".

But how do we decide what to do!? Whose dream do we chase? I needed to just vent. And its MY blog so I figured here was the best place to do it. Stay tuned... to what the future holds for our family. As I said above- we have a long 18 months ahead.... thoughts and prayers and visits to CT are always appriciated!